She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
