i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
