he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
