He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
