i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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