Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
