If i come over, it means nothing
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
