I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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