So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
