i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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