you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
