this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
