woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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