Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was CRYING into my vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
