She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
