btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
