Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
