plz talk dirty to me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
