I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
