It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
