Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
