I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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