I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
