I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
