I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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