were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Text me some of your sweat
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