Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need moral support for this bender
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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