dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize