they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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