even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
