I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
