im drinking this country out of the recession.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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