You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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