the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
