you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
