small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
