Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
