SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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