My pussy is not your playground.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
