At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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