I think my fart just growled at me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They are going to name an STD after you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
