I love black thongs
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ruined the universe
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
