Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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