His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
