I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
