I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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