shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
