I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
