i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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