so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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