It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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