i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
