I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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