I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I believe in your delicious
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
