It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
