Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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