alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever