did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
