I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.