my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
