I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.