Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

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  (847): I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil. http://tfl.nu/z427
  Replies (8) Good night (982) Bad night (1518)
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  (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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  (631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt
  Replies (8) Good night (1007) Bad night (1479)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

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  (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike http://tfl.nu/sgnh
  Replies (23) Good night (1295) Bad night (7529)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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  (703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675
  Replies (47) Good night (4203) Bad night (9609)
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  (315): View more from New York

  it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.

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  (315): it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right. http://tfl.nu/vsow
  Replies (10) Good night (1197) Bad night (3499)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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  (603): Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid. http://tfl.nu/3tmh
  Replies (10) Good night (945) Bad night (3977)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

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  (203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester. http://tfl.nu/4eoz
  Replies (4) Good night (6253) Bad night (1091)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

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  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6639) Bad night (1329)
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  (760): View more from California

  so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.

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  (760): so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up. http://tfl.nu/rvmx
  Replies (6) Good night (1296) Bad night (692)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.

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  (703): To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads. http://tfl.nu/17wa
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (448)
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  (845): View more from New York

  It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.

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  (845): It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/3qrj
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (426)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.

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  (+61): Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me. http://tfl.nu/fsyn
  Replies (0) Good night (719) Bad night (335)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner

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  (281): Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner http://tfl.nu/2e25
  Replies (3) Good night (330) Bad night (687)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock

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  (651): Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock http://tfl.nu/apah
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (282)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila

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  (612): having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila http://tfl.nu/ph2e
  Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (137)

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