Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night