her vagine was all disorganized.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
