My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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