So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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