Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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