u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
