I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl