Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you repeat that, but with context?