3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
