In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
