My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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